Wither
by Xanaphea
Summary: AU One-shot. AeriSeph. She remembers the dream, and wonders if it’s wise to love him.


_Disclaimer:_ All Final Fantasy characters belong to Square Enix.

_A/N:_ The truth is I hate the way I write, so don't know why the heck I'm doing this. But apparently I love the AeriSeph pairing so much that I dreamt about them one night. Of course like all dreams, they were gibberish. But there was one scene that stood out in my head; so I decided to go from there, see where it goes. It probably won't make any sense, but hey, I'm writing this from a _dream_. It didn't make sense to me either after I woke up. ^^

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**"Wither"****  
**_By Xanaphea_

I'm hopeless …

Each day I can feel my soul slowly ebbing away. I am losing myself by the minute, and like a flower after it has been plucked, I let myself wither away without a fight.

But even if I could, where could I go from here … ?

Because of what I am, things like visions or premonitions seem to come to me naturally. My gift goes as far as communing with the Planet and the Lifestream, the source of all life in this world.

So having dreams about things that have happened, or the things to come, shouldn't be so frightening, right?

Where I am now seem to begin with _those_ dreams … and that really terrifying dream that still sends chills down my spine …

I remember …

Underneath clear water, my eyes stinging at the single source of light shining right above me. My mind vaguely wondered if it was the sun or some sort of artificial light. And then, there were the hands. Gloved hands wrapped around my fragile neck, my cold fingers trying to pry the hands away as I struggled to break free, even though I knew it was pointless. He had always been stronger than me …

He?

Yes, him.

The man with the cat-like eyes, staring me down with no menace nor threat, but a trace of sadness.

… But why?

Is he regretting killing me?

Is it somehow … my fault?

I shivered, recalling _feeling_ so many things in that dream. I remember things that I don't remember ever having before.

These dreams, these memories … these feelings _couldn't_ be mine.

So … why are the pictures of emotions so clear and vivid as it flashes through my mind?

The feel of his callous hands, gently tracing my face. The way he looks at me, so intense and focused. The brilliant green piercing right through me, how uncomfortable I felt under his gaze but how I can't look away either. His deep somber voice when he says words that can make my heart skip a beat and my cheeks scorch at his forwardness. His laugh so rare you hear from someone like him.

All this I remember about this man.

I also remember … how intense our feelings were for each other.

We had loved each other.

I felt I did.

And he had loved me too …

I had teased him by asking if he'd still love me if I was hideous. He assured me with a caress of a cheek that he would still love my beautiful soul.

_The soul that everyone loves so much_, he had said.

Really … ?

Am I really such a someone?

"_To me, you are."_

And he sealed it with a kiss.

Oh wow, his kiss …

So passionate and demanding, scaring me and exciting me at the same time, as they trailed down my neck and to my heart. His face, the way it fit my hands, as I pulled him closer. The way he handled me like a glass when he equally responded. His beautiful silver hair, so soft as I combed it with my hands. His strong, beautiful body that has delighted me so many times.

In his arms, I feel loved and beautiful. Body and soul.

I _do_ know him … and I miss him so much.

My strong and powerful lover, so kind and gentle to my eyes. I want to savor it all to myself, but at the same time, I wish the world could see how he is to me. So they can see that he was not a monster. A monster would never return such strong feelings to me.

… could he?

Thinking that also brought back the ugly feelings. Things you don't want to remember feeling.

The fear of losing both him and your beliefs. The ache I felt when I was forced to do what is right for everyone. The pain I felt when I know I have hurt him … That look on his face, so stung by my betrayal …

Oh, what have I done … ?

I knew somehow it was all my fault.

My fault I made him _this_ way.

The distant voices before, the words we've said, angry and hurt, were now echoing through my head …

A push … a struggle …

_Splash! … _

"_Please … please don't kill me."_

"_I have to … it's the only way … "_

_No, it's not … _I tried to tell him so, but the words were frozen in my throat. The throat that he was now throttling under the water, his fingers tightening by the second.

The water filling my lungs …

My world slowly blackening …

My soul being wrenched away …

"_Don't hate me … "_ His choking voice begged me.

So cold … _so cold_ …

_Never hate you … never leave you … _

_I love you … _

Yes, I love him.

Even after that, I love him. Even if he kills me again, I'll still love him.

My love for him _is_ real.

When he's near me, the air seems to sizzle. When he looks at me, my insides stir. When he feels the things I feel, our souls seem to connect.

I know I _felt_ it.

And it's such an _amazing_ feeling.

This man who is a contrast to my own is without a doubt my soul-mate. The man whom I never met before but a man I remember loving forever.

I love him _so_ much, but I am so afraid to bask in this love. After all, I made him do all this. If it weren't for me, none of this probably would've happen.

But no … I know what kind of man he is. He's testy, proud and controlling; but I know deep down, he can be a good person. He's just afraid of being left alone, that's all. His spirit is so much like a child's. And like a mother, I spoil him with my love.

If only they'd understand …

Or maybe I'm holding onto something that was never there before. Maybe my love for him has blinded his true nature to me.

Maybe it's me that's the problem.

My soul … is it really as beautiful as he claims it to be? I have my dark side too. He brings it out of me; and when he does, I am _complete_. I want to be loved, cherished, and protected by him.

Because I'm just too weak …

And I let him do this to me because I'm weak.

If only I was strong enough to fight back. If only … I was strong enough to let him go.

But, how can I? Do I want us _both_ to suffer? After everything we've been through together, can I really just let him go?

Maybe … I deserve to live this meaningless existence; to fade in and out of darkness for the rest of time. Maybe the Cetra has every right to banish me for feeling this way about him. As much as I love my people, I simply cannot abandon him – this man who is our Destroyer, as my love for him has proven.

I know that by choosing the blasphemous way, I shall never taste the everlasting peace that my soul was promised. I am destined to fade in and out of the cycle, to carry a weary soul, so long as my heart chooses him.

So be it then.

At least, I'll have him …

I won't leave him alone – I'll _never_ leave him alone. He hates it when he's alone. He'd start thinking no one would love him. I wouldn't want that.

He has me. He'll always have me.

In life _and_ in death …

…

I'm hopeless …


End file.
